Writing Falling In Love: What NOT to Do
I far prefer to focus on stories that are doing something so right it makes me giddy. But the story beat in this movie, involving writing falling in love…well, I had to dive into it.
I’m talking about the film adaptation of the beloved modern romance: The Hating Game.
As a disclaimer, (for the most part) I enjoyed this movie. As I do most movies. So I completely understand if you enjoyed it, too!
I’ve said this before: I tend to like most things I watch. In the moment, at least. Of course, that doesn’t mean I won’t start picking the story apart if something sits wrong. I'm a writer! I always want to try and understand where things got off track so I can learn from the story.
That’s what happened with this movie.
The Hating Game: Writing Falling In Love, Wrong
Honestly, had this film gotten this one wrong thing right, I could have much more happily and easily overlooked its more minor inconsistencies. This is notable: you don't have to do everything right in your story. But the big moments—the transformations—the writing that will result in your characters falling in love, those matter.
The moment I'm going to dive into here actually caused my husband (who somehow got roped into watching this movie with me, still surprised he ended up sitting through the whole thing) to yell at the characters: “They are so annoying!”
He was right. They were. But they didn’t have to be.
Spoilers Ahead
A good story comes down to one thing (in my humble opinion, but I think it’s pretty widely agreed upon at this point): character transformation.
In order to transform, things have to happen that change a hero’s outlook, mindset, etc., so that they can change from the inside out.
One obvious way to demonstrate transformation is to put a protagonist in one situation early on and have them react in a certain way (one that is based on their Lie) and then to put them into a similar situation later in the story and have them react differently. Because, growth!
Unfortunately, The Hating Game woefully misused this technique at one of the most crucial points in the story. A point that involved writing the falling in love of the two main characters.
Expectations vs. Reality
In a love story, we naturally want (and expect) our heroes to get together. And in The Hating Game, just past the Midpoint, we think this is exactly what is going to happen. Of course, we realize that at this point in their story, neither of our heroes have completed their transformations, so we’re still in for some rocky times. After all, as they are only halfway through their story at this point, they’re both still primarily working from their Lies (their misguided outlook/belief about the world).
For our hero Lucy, this means she believes that she and her co-worker/love interest are still "playing a game." For her love interest Josh, it means he still believes he has to work hard to make Lucy want him for him (and for something long-term, rather than a fling).
These Lies explain why their miscommunication occurs and how it plays into their Lies, thus understandably making the Midpoint moment into an almost, but not quite get together.
Here’s what happens:
Josh encourages Lucy to go on the date she has scheduled, and to kiss the guy. If the kiss doesn’t blow her away (like their kiss, which happened earlier in the story), she can know for sure that Josh is the one for her.
Lucy does what he asks: she goes on her date, kisses the guy, and is extremely underwhelmed. Afterward, she finds Josh at his apartment. But when she implies their hookup should be a one-time thing to get the sexual tension out of their systems, Josh backs off and asks her to leave.
Working from this crucial moment in our story toward the moment they actually do get together, it’s conceivable that some sort of transformation or growth would need to take place in order to make their inevitable coming together both sweet and believable.
Unfortunately, that’s not what happens.
Here are the scenes that take place between this almost-get-together moment and the moment they actually do get together:
Lucy and Josh have an awkward encounter at work following Josh’s brush off at his apartment. During this encounter, they exchange a few seconds of small talk before Josh jumps at an opportunity to meet with a high-level publishing executive.
No transformation. No growth. Our heroes don’t discuss their feelings or perspectives. They don’t work through their Lies. In fact, the only thing this scene does is drive Lucy further into her Lie, making her believe Josh is still doing whatever it takes to “win the game” (get the promotion).
In retaliation, Lucy calls an old publishing lead, asking for a reference that will help her win the game (get the promotion).
The conversation does not go well, making Lucy more desperate, and conceivably driving her further away from Josh.
Lucy meets with Danny (the guy she earlier kissed and decided against dating) and asks him to do some freelance work for her job interview and presentation.
Here we reaffirm Lucy’s disinterest in Danny. She makes it clear to him that nothing is going to happen between them. She also very clearly states that she and Josh are “still mortal enemies.” No transformation that could clear the way for her and Josh to get together.
While Lucy is decorating her apartment for Christmas, Josh shows up and calls in his favor (Lucy accompanying him to his brother’s wedding, a favor he earned after nursing her back to health when she came down with the flu earlier in the story). She agrees, reluctantly, as she had already made a commitment.
Importantly, a very short conversation takes place here, during which only two pieces of actual communication happen:
Josh: “I’m sorry about the other night, you caught me off guard.”
Lucy: “This thing is just too complicated. We are competing for the same job…it is impossible to trust each other.”
This could be considered a little bit of transformation. They’re talking, even if they are coming to the conclusion that they should back off. We know that often what we say is not what we mean. And at least Josh got vulnerable, however briefly.
Writing Falling In Love Comes Down to One Thing: Transformation
Okay, let’s pause.
Judging from this scene at Lucy’s apartment, we can see that there has been essentially zero progression that has happened between these two characters, as this is the first time they have actually had a discussion involving their relationship.
Lucy has stated that Josh is still her mortal enemy and that she does not trust him. Josh did touch on the topic, getting a little vulnerable. But his explanation of “you caught me off guard” for his behavior during their almost get together is hardly satisfying.
Let’s continue…
They drive to his brother’s wedding destination. Josh offers a little insight into his family. His mother is fantastic, his father is “complicated.” Here we get a little more of a peek into Josh. He explains that he left med school and broke up with a girlfriend. Lucy says she never imagined him with a girlfriend and he replies, “sometimes you’re wrong.”
Okay. Now we’ve got some forward momentum. Josh is opening up more and Lucy may be beginning to change her opinion of him as a “player” (i.e. not a serious option as a boyfriend). So we’ve delved into their Lies. The problem is, this is nowhere near enough transformation for them to throw all caution to the wind and hook up. We still don’t understand fully why Josh rejected Lucy. And the way she reacted to the rejection makes us as the audience believe she would not be eager to repeat it. And yet…that’s exactly what she does in just two short scenes.
They check into the hotel. They ask for two rooms, but, of course, there is only one.
Lucy says this is okay, calming down Josh when he gets upset. Maybe this is growth? It’s showing that they can compromise and navigate different situations together. But what has happened to make Lucy believe that if she initiated something with Josh again, he would say yes?
They get ready for the rehearsal dinner. After his shower, Josh comes out in a towel. Lucy turns around and kisses him. And…fade to black.
It was at this point in our viewing when my husband shouted, “They’re so annoying!” Because why are they suddenly willing to get together? They had one actual conversation, in the car, during which they didn’t discuss their relationship or their hang-ups. They didn’t get vulnerable. They didn’t get clarity around what happened during the Midpoint or solve any of their problems (either their separate problems or their joint problem of always “playing the game”). And yet, now apparently, it’s on.
Showing a Transformation
Again, the story technique of putting your characters into similar situations at different points in their journey can be extremely effective:
In situation A, they act on their Lie. And in situation B, hopefully, they’ve undergone some pivotal growth and therefore they act differently. However, this all falls apart if they haven’t undergone any growth!
What exactly has Lucy learned in the last few scenes? How has she changed? Why does she suddenly trust Josh, despite the fact that he hasn’t explained why he rejected her before?
What about Josh? Why does he suddenly believe she’ll be willing to give him a long-term chance, despite the fact that last time they tried she very clearly stated her expectations of a one-time hookup?
For a better bridge between these two moments, let’s look at the book. Because the book actually plays their necessary growth out beautifully.
In between their almost get together and their actual get together, a LOT of transformation happens:
Josh keeps a secret from Lucy that comes out at an awkward time. They have to communicate and navigate this moment. They fight, there are misunderstandings that they heal, they talk about their insecurities, they talk about what they want from each other (including why Josh said no before and Lucy’s newfound willingness to give him a long-term chance), and THEN they get together.
We want that moment in stories—the one we’ve been so desperately waiting for. Whether it’s in a romance where the two leads finally get together or a comedy where the dad finally realizes that his family is more important than his work.
But more than we want the actual moment, we want the characters to have earned it.
The Book vs. The Movie
To be fair, in the movie version of The Hating Game, Josh’s secret does come out—it just happens after they get together.
It’s at this point that their transformation really starts to take off and then their actual, long-term get together at the end of the movie does feel more earned. But the viewer (if they’re like me), is already feeling weird. Something is off. The story felt disjointed. The character transformation(s) (which was the thing we actually wanted, beneath the events of the story) didn’t happen in a logical order.
The lesson? Don’t have two important scenes within 8 minutes of each other (or, if we’re talking about a novel, within a few pages of each other) with very little growth. It just doesn’t work. It makes the heroes seem annoying. Just ask my husband. Even if they do pull it together at the end, it’s not nearly as powerful or satisfying as it could have been if a few of the scenes were simply rearranged.
For a peek at a better way to do it, let's take a look at a super quick snapshot of the book’s version of events (after their almost-get-together at the Midpoint).
(In other words, here's how to write falling in love, right.)
Lucy reluctantly agrees to go to the wedding
Everything falls apart when a huge secret Josh was keeping comes out
Lucy runs away and calls Danny (in the book, there is leftover chemistry and possibility between Lucy and Danny, which has caused tension between Lucy and Josh)
Josh walks in and overhears Lucy and Danny’s flirty phone conversation
Josh jealously grabs the phone and warns Danny not to call again
Lucy blows up at Josh
They have a fight that opens up their vulnerability and breaks down their walls (Josh admits what was actually going on when he pushed her away, Lucy admits how she feels about him)
This is the crucial growth and communication. They didn’t get together before because there was a barrier. Because this barrier has been established, we can’t satisfyingly see them actually get together until that same barrier is brought into the light and then demolished, clearing the path for their love.
They agree that they do want to be together
They get together
Writing Falling In Love Tool: Mirror Moments
Having mirror moments in a story can be an excellent writing tool. As a refresher:
In Moment A, the character reacts according to their Lie. They do the thing they shouldn’t do. The thing we, as the reader or viewer, don’t want them to do.
Then, story events that create an inevitable transformation transpire. This way, when Moment B comes around, a very similar event to Moment A, we are able to see them do the right thing because of all of their growth.
In other words, every scene should be breaking down the protagonist’s Lie and opening up the way for their transformation. This is what makes stories satisfying and memorable.
The fastest way to write a strong story is with an effective outline that plots your novel’s beating heart.
In Outline Your Novel, you’ll learn exactly what these beats are, why they matter, and how to outline them effectively to make your story sing.
